


A Gentleman Never Tells

by matte_grey



Category: henry montague - Fandom, monty - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Drinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matte_grey/pseuds/matte_grey
Summary: Monty's fling with Sinjon from Sinjon's POV. Boys being boys with a little sad boy feels too.
Relationships: Henry "Monty" Montague/Percy Newton, Henry Montague/Percy Newton, Henry Montague/Sinjon Westfall
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

I have a weak spot for charming boys. So, when one looks at me with a devious sparkle in his eyes and impossibly adorable dimples, I cannot help but do whatever he says. It is as though he is a snake charmer who’s song conjures a “ _yes_ ” to rattle out of my mouth. Monty has brought me to John’s dormitory for a game of whist that’s played after lights out. It supposedly is an Eton tradition, although I am not sure how true of a statement that is. My father would kill me if he found out I was gambling, but these days, I don’t so much care what my father thinks. Rather I am trying not to. Old habits die hard.

The room is hazy with smoke from pipes and there is a bottle of whiskey being passed around - a true gentlemen’s club. It feels like we are children walking around in our father’s too-big shoes, playing dress-up and pretending to be older than we are. I am not too good at whist and have only ever played for fun with my brother. Monty gave me a few tips before arriving and they worked because I won.

“Beginner’s luck.” Bart says throwing his cards down. Monty is laughing and takes another big swig of alcohol. I watch his lips around the bottle and then his throat as he swallows. 

“Here.” He hands the bottle to me. I take a sip and it warms my chest.

“So Monty, any stories about who’s been between your legs as of late?” Bart asks. My ears perk up. I’ve been trying to figure this boy out since we met a few weeks ago. He seems to flirt with just about everyone, so it is unclear if that’s who he is or if there are intentions behind his passive touches or one-second-too-long stares. I want to know if I have a chance. Although if he did play for my side, I doubt he would be sharing that information with these lads.

“A gentleman never tells.”

“Oh please, you love to spill it. Remember at the holiday party when you were found in the kitchen with your pants down and Anabella Ladock put her entire hand in the cake trying to stand up?” 

“ _Oh god_. That was a bit of a mess. I did offer to suck on her fingers to clean them off though.”

“You are a dog.” He laughs. “I don’t know how you do it. What’s your line?”

“Haven’t got one.” Then he smiles at me. “I think it’s the dimples.” I feel an invisible string between us tighten. 

“So Sinjon, what’s your vice?” Bart turns his attention towards me.

“I’m sorry?”

“Well, you’ve never played whist for money until now so I assume it isn’t gambling. Is it whiskey? Maybe a good romp?”

“I don’t…” I feel I’ve been caught. Like they will laugh me out of the room for having not done anything adventurous. It is only more recently that I’ve decided to not hold myself to my father’s impossible standards. I told myself I would give myself a year of doing whatever I wanted. Well, so long as I don’t get caught. It feels good to give up.

“Oh god, and you’ve befriended this one!” He points the bottle in his hand towards Monty who grabs it and takes a sip.

“What’s the use of temptations if we don’t yield to them?” He keeps his eyes on me as he takes another swig.

“Spoken like a true sinner.” Bart says.

*****

We are full of liquor and therefore full of laughter. We are trying to be quiet walking down the hall towards our rooms, but it’s hard because I’m with a cute boy and I’ve never felt more carefree.

“Wait!” Monty whispers grabbing my arm. My breath catches at the warmth of his hand.

“What?”

“I want to go outside.”

“Why? It’s dark out.”

“So? Let’s look at the stars then, or I don’t know. I don’t want to go to bed yet.”

“Alright.” I follow him outside. We stand somewhat awkwardly in the middle of the patch of grass that sits behind the dormitories. It’s quiet and dewy and incredibly dark out except for a few lanterns hanging by the door we exited from.

“I wish I had more liquor.” Monty is looking at the dark sky. The moon is half full.

“More? You’re well drunk.” I laugh. 

“Not really. I’ve been drunker.” He shrugs.

“Henry Montague, you _are_ trouble.”

“Me? Never.” He flashes me those lovely dimples. My eyes flick to his lips without my permission and I try to look away quickly hoping he didn’t notice. He must have though because his smile grows wider.

“Always the charmer, too. I wish I had an ounce of it.”

“Oh darling, you don’t need charm when you’ve got a face like that.”

I can’t tell if it’s a sense of confidence that takes hold of me or a desperation that I must act on because here I am face-to-face with someone who might actually _be like me_. I take a step closer. He matches my step and I can feel his breath. My heart is beating impossibly fast and I know he can feel it because it feels as though it is shaking the earth. I lift his chin just slightly. He moves forward and catches my lips. I so wish I had the ability to keep myself together, but I don’t. I meant for it to be a chaste kiss, but then my hand is on his neck pulling him to me. I realize we are in the middle of a field so I step closer to the building wall. Monty follows without breaking our kiss. I press him against it, my chest to his, and I am suddenly obsessed with its flatness. _This is nothing like kissing a lady._ I feel him grin against my mouth and I realize I’m getting stiff. He switches our position, and with his lips now on my neck, he begins unbuttoning my trousers. My breath gets stuck in my throat. _I should stop this. This is not good, it’s not_ \- then all my thoughts just cease because he’s _touching me_ and it is getting increasingly harder to stand.

“I thought I was alone in this.” It comes out airy as I am still trying to catch my breath.

“No.” He says wiping his hand on his trousers. “Although, I wish we’d done it sooner. We both would have had a far better term.”

“How did you know I’d reciprocate?”

“You have incredibly blue eyes. It is hard not to notice when they are on you.” I feel a blush creep up my neck.

“You’re hard not to look at.” He grins and I swear I see blush even in the darkness. We begin to walk back towards the door when he stops.

“You’re not going to tell anyone are you?”

“No.” I’m a bit shocked at this because I am just as guilty as he is. “Are you?”

“No.” We walk down the hall towards his room because it is closest and I have to keep myself from grabbing his hand. We stop outside his door and it is so quiet I can hear my heart stutter.

“I want to do this again.”

“Alright.” I look down both ends of the hall before I kiss him. He seems a bit caught by surprise, but sinks into it.

“Goodnight, Henry Montague.”

“Goodnight, Sinjon Westfall.” 

*****

I wake up with a splitting headache. So this is why they tell you not to drink. Then I remember the rest of the night. This is why they _really_ tell you not to drink. I turn to my desk and see the stack of money I precariously threw there from last night. I shove it in my drawer and start pacing while I recount what happened:

Alright, so I gambled. Not good. I did win though. I also made a few friends. Whether they are dodgy or not is yet to be determined. They are all from well-off families though, so wouldn’t be that disappointing to my father. After that, Monty and I went to outside. Then Monty kissed me. Then I kissed Monty. Then he… _oh god_. What was thinking? This is bad. Really bad…but it didn’t _feel_ bad. It felt good. Really good. His hands on me. His breath against my neck. Him nipping at my jaw as I…

_God it’s all want._ I feel as though I’ve been cracked open. Pandora’s box.

“Sinjon, you’re up.” Nicholas, my roommate, comes in and throws his bag by the door. “How are you feeling?” He laughs. “You were pretty drunk last night.”

“I’m alright. Bit of a headache, but fine.” I start getting dressed hurriedly. “Do you know which room is Monty’s?”

“Twelve, but he’s not in his room. He’s likely in literature which _you_ are running late for.”

“Damnation.” I grab my bag and book and rush out the door.

I don’t get to speak with Monty after class because the teacher asks to speak to him. I go to the library and try to study. I’m listening to the rain and attempting to understand maths when I see someone sit next to me in my periphery. Monty has his head resting on his hand and then I feel his other slide over my thigh and grab my- “Monty!”

“Happy to see me?”

“There are people!” I whisper. 

“And yet you are not moving my hand.” I bite my lip but give him a look that hopefully says _behave_. “Fine.” He rolls his eyes. “Meet me here tonight then?” I nod. Just like that he’s gone and I’m left adjusting my trousers.

*****

“Why the library?”

“No one goes to the library after hours. What student is studying and what teacher isn’t drinking in his room?” He has a point. “Come here.” I do and I am rewarded with a kiss. It’s not the same kind of kiss as our last one. It’s more heated. I feel his tongue slide into my mouth and it lights some part of me I didn’t know could be lit. I have one hand on his neck and one on his hip pulling him closer to me. I want him closer. His hands glide up my shirt and he’s kissing my neck. I feel his hands move to my trousers.

“Have you done this before? I mean, before last time we…”

“Yes.” He says against my neck. Then he stops to look at me. “Have you not…?”

“No, never.”

“Oh.” He seems to be thinking that over and I wonder if I made a mistake by telling him that. “Did you like it?” I nod. He gives me another one of his devious smiles and says, “Good.” Then he returns to unbuttoning my trousers. The scent of him and leather-bound books surrounds me. His touch melts my insides until they feel like they are boiling over. It’s intense. He’s biting on my earlobe. My grip gets tighter around the back of his neck. I am worried it will leave a bruise on him, but I need to hold onto something. Because I’m sinking. Falling and falling and falling.


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Monty,_

_For better or for worse, I have not stopped thinking about the library. The impossibly dull place set to inspire the mind now only seems to interest my lower half. Shall we defile some other place if not for the sake of saving my marks?_

_Yours,_

_Sinjon_

_Dear Sinjon,_

_I too need to work on my marks. It seems that I could use a geography tutor. My fingers, well-traveled as they are, seem to have made my lips rather jealous in their knowledge of your peaks and valleys. I am afraid they are full of wanderlust. Shall we sail some ships soon? My roommate has fallen ill and will be in the infirmary for the next week. I will await a knock._

_Yours,_

_Monty_

It doesn’t take me long after lights out to pull myself out of bed and down the hall to Monty’s door. My heart seems to be over-working, fluttering with anticipation. It’s been nearly a week since I’ve been able to touch him. Now, we have a room to ourselves. It is both terrifying and endlessly thrilling. I let the latter emotion lead me to knock on the door.

“Hallo, darling”

“You can’t just start off like that,” I say walking into his room.

“Like what?”

“Every time you call me _darling_ , I positively lose it.” I can feel a blush start to rise on my cheeks.

“Then I shall never stop,” He steps closer to me and whisper in my ear, “ _darling_.” He draws out the word before finding my lips. I push him towards the bed.

“You are the worst.”

“Yes,” He says focusing on the buttons of my trousers, “but also the best.” He gives me a cheeky grin.

“That too.” He pulls my shirt up and presses his lips to the soft part of my stomach. Then lower, lower, lower. Until I can feel his hot breath on me. It sends sparks up my body. “ _Monty,_ ” I groan. And here I thought his hands were a gift from God. I was wrong, because t _hose lips_. I watch them perfectly pink around me until it’s all so overwhelming I’m forced to squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to keep my head on straight. 

*****

“Well, aren’t you two a pair.” Professor Greenberg says as we walk by the field. “Becoming inseparable it seems.”

“Ah yes. If we were an outfit, he would be the top to my bottom.” I say and Monty chokes back a laugh.

“There’s nothing like Eton brotherhood.” He hits a fist to his chest. “Good day.” He walks in the opposite direction.

“I can’t believe you’ve just said that.” He smacks my arm.

“Your devious ways have rubbed off on me.”

“I can think of something else I’d like to rub.”

“Monty!” I push him jokingly and he laughs.

"What?" he feigns innocent.

“Are you signing up for cricket?”

“God, no. I’m awful at sports.”

“What about music?”

“Ugh, I hate music. I always zone out whenever Percy talks about it.”

“Well, you need to sign up for _something_.”

“What I excel at, there are no academic classes for.”

“What’s that, cards?” He shamelessly looks at my lips then back at my eyes. His tongue teasing the corner of his mouth. I drag him to our spot behind the dormitories and kiss him. “This is what you excel at?”

“I’ve gotten no complaints.” He finds my lips and I push him farther into the wall, likely pilling his jacket. All I can think of is how I want to do this forever. Is this how a lad is supposed to feel with ladies? Like they want to devour them?

“It’s not supposed to feel like this is it?”

“What?”

“Like every time I kiss you, my heart feels like it's being stomped on and put back together all at the same time.”

He looks to the ground between us and toes the rocks. “We don’t have to do this anymore if you-“

I know it’s wrong. _I know it is._ But there’s this unbearably loud voice in my head that keeps telling me this is exactly where I am meant to be. If it is in fact the devil’s work, then he has won me over completely. I lift his chin so our eyes meet. “I don’t care that we’re lads.”

“Me either.”

*****

_Dear Monty,_

_It’s getting harder and harder for me to believe that what we are doing is wrong. One glance at those smiling lips of yours and it seems impossible how anyone could not want to kiss them, lad or lady. Whoever has made these rules has clearly never seen them. Might I suggest banging down the doors of the palace?_

_Yours,_

_Sinjon_

_Dear Sinjon,_

_If I am to bang down the palace doors, I would want to bring you with me. You can show them how easy it is to forget even the grayest of days with one look at your blue eyes. When can we meet again?_

_Yours,_

_Monty_

_*****_

We’re in my bed for a change since Nicholas went home early. Monty pulls himself from his straddled position on my waist and slides down the length of my body wrapping an arm around my torso likely to keep himself from falling off of the narrow bed. He lays his head on my chest and although it keeps me from looking at his beautiful face, I do enjoy having his weight on me. I brush my fingers through his hair and it is all absolutely perfect.

“Are you going home for holiday?” I ask.

“Yes, unfortunately.” He groans.

“What, do you not like the holidays?”

“I _do_ for the fact that alcohol is served more freely. I _do not_ because my family is absolutely dreadful.”

“Tell me about them.”

“Well that kills the mood considerably.”

“You don’t have to tell me. I just want to know where you came from.”

“You want to hear about my sad life?” He says sarcastically.

“Yes, of course.” I laugh. “I am of the notion that that’s what makes you you and I quite like the you that you are.”

“That was very cheesy.”

“Doesn’t make it less true.”

“I don’t know,” He sighs. “I’ve got a sister.”

“Yeah? Older or younger?”

“Younger, although she’s much smarter than me. She’s always got her head in a book and keeps arguing with my parents about school. Meanwhile, I’m getting satisfactory marks at best.”

“You do fine.”

“My mother is only ever worried about the house being clean. Other than that she doesn’t say much. Well, besides inquiring whether or not I’ve met a nice young lady to settle down with.”

“A nice young lady? Do you fancy I’d look good in a dress?” I laugh.

“You would look lovely in anything, darling.” He presses smiling lips against my chest.

“What about your father?”

“Well, he doesn’t approve of the whole lad thing that’s for sure.”

“He knows?” I lift my head up slightly in shock.

“I’ve been caught, or rather told on. He wouldn’t believe me even if I told him it was a rumor. He takes any excuse to remind me that I am a disappointment, that or beat me for it.”

“He beats you?” He goes silent. My heart strains. “God, Monty. If I ever saw such a thing, I would-“

“All fathers are hard on their sons.” I know this well. My father is no saint either, but he’s never hit me. Then again, I am not sure what he would do if he saw me like this, curled up naked with a lad after… “I’m better off than most. At least I can be at school most of the time.” He sits up to look at me. “At least I have you.” He leans down to kiss me.

“That you do.” I smile because he does. More than I think he knows.

“And to get me through the idle chit chat, I shall think of the happenings before this conversation.” He gives me a cheeky smile.

“Monty!” I laugh and push him. “It’s the lord’s day!”

“Oh, if he’s _all-seeing_ it would just be repeated history. If I were him, I’d want another look.” I pull him down, wrapping my arms around him and we kiss until it’s late into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

This holiday is becoming unbearable. I just found out my aunt will not be visiting us from Scotland. It seems as though the fight she had with my father the last time she was here drew her over the edge. My father keeps muttering angrily about it. I’m not even sure what it is they were fighting about. I get brushed off whenever I ask. My father has barely left his study, so I’ve been held up in the library reading but really just thinking about Monty. I hear rustling in the entryway and get up to see who it is. There is a part of me that hopes Aunt Emeline decided to come after all. When I get there I see my brother trying to make a quiet escape.

“Augie, where are you going?”

“I need to go to London for a bit.”

“A bit?” He ignores me. “I can’t believe this.” 

“Why are you upset?”

“You’re leaving me _alone_ with father.” He continues to put his coat on. “I suppose a ghost of you will be present at least since all father ever talks about is how I’m not you.”

“He doesn’t-“

“He _does_. I’m not as smart or social or athletic or-” Augie has the audacity to start laughing. “You think this is funny?”

“Come here.” He pulls me into the kitchen. “I’m going to an interview.”

“You’re…what?”

“I’m not taking over father’s business. I can’t be as miserable as he is.”

“Have you told Alice?”

“Of course. She would rather we be poor and happy, than miserable and rich. I’m going to wait until after we have our first child to tell him, so I can ensure funds for at least the little one. I’m afraid my reign of being father’s favorite is about to come to an end.” He laughs. I almost tell him. I almost tell him about Henry, about me liking lads. Neither of us will be favored by our father. But I don’t.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks. You too.”

*****

I’m in the midst of unpacking my things when there’s a knock on my door. I answer it to Monty looking down the hall.

“Hallo Sinjon.” He directs his attention to me.

“Hallo Monty.”

“How was your holiday?” Well, he’s being awfully formal.

“Good, good.” I notice someone walking down the hall. _Oh, that’s it._ “How was yours?”

“Good.” Monty looks down the hall again and we hear a door close. “Is Nicholas here?”

“No, he won’t be back for another week.” We smile at each other, just grinning like fools. I pull him into my room by his shirt, slam the door and close the gap between us. “God, I missed you.”

“Pure torture.” I connect our lips again because it’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past few weeks. I let my fingers trace Monty’s jawline, then down his neck to his chest and then I feel him wince. I take a step back and pull the neckline of his shirt down to reveal a horrendous yellow-black bruise. “God Monty, was this your father?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want you to kiss me.” I can see the desperation in his eyes and obey him. If that will make him feel better, of course I’ll kiss him. I’ll kiss him until every bruise is erased. I don’t know where to touch him though. I don’t know what more lies under his shirt, beneath his skin. He pushes me to the bed and sits on top of me. I watch him pull his shirt up looking rather defiant. I can’t help the concern that covers my face. I know it’s not what he wants but it’s hard to ignore the blue spots that cover his torso. He bends down and kisses me.

*****

“Do you want to talk about it now?” I offer.

“No.” He says so quietly if I weren’t lying right next to him I would not have heard it.

“You can, you know. Talk to me.” He doesn’t respond, just keeps looking at the ceiling. “Alright, I’ll go first. My father, like yours, is a difficult subject. He’s not very physical in his disapproval as much as he chooses to ignore me completely when I don’t meet his standards of success which have been aptly set by my older brother Augie. Little does my father know, my brother refuses to take over my father’s work and doesn’t believe in the church. A radical notion which would likely give my father a heart attack.” I laugh expecting Monty to join me, but he doesn’t. “My aunt usually visits for the holiday from Scotland, but during her last few visits, I heard her and my father arguing about something, so she wasn’t there to lighten things up. My brother only visited for a few days before leaving again. So I was left alone with my father telling me all the ways I am not Augustus. Since nothing I do is good enough, I’ve given up completely. Hence-” I wave a hand between us. Then, I look over at Monty expectantly. He gives me a sideways glance and sighs.

“I was caught alone with a lad.” I go to speak but he says. “Before you ask, I had no intention of doing anything with him. In fact, I _despise_ this lad and want absolutely nothing to do with him. We were fully clothed and three feet away and he still….” He lets out a heavy exhale. “I suppose given our history, it makes sense for my father to assume.” I raise my eyebrow at “history”. “It was a long time ago.”

“I hate your father.” I say and Monty laughs.

“Your father doesn’t sound too great either.”

“You should come back with me next weekend.”

“To meet your not-so-great father?” He laughs.

“No, because my not-so-great father will be away at work. We’d have the house to ourselves.”

“ _Oh_. Should I call you Sinjon, the schemer now?” He nudges my shoulder with his.

“Do not.” I joke. “You know I care about you right?” He doesn’t answer, just leans over to kiss me.

*****

“Hello, Mr. Westfall. Henry Montague.” Monty puts his hand out for my father who gives it a firm shake.

“You must be Sinjon’s friend from Eton.” Monty nods. “Good to see that Sinjon is making friends even if it is just one. His brother was always busy with friends, I never saw him. Are you very social?”

“Sometimes, sir.”

“Well, hopefully you can teach Sinjon a thing or two. It’s a good quality for business.” He gives me that look of authority I am so used to seeing. “Anyway, Augie’s old room seems to have a cracked windowpane, so you’ll have to share a bed with Sinjon. I hope you don’t mind.” Monty gives me a quick look. I can see him trying to hold back a smile.

“No, sir. We will make do. Thank you for having me.”

“Of course. I’m off to London, so don’t burn the house down.” He directs towards me. “The help will be here if you need anything. Sinjon, show him the room so he can put his things away and rest up before dinner.” I nod and lead him up the stairs. I can already feel the heated tension as we walk through the hall. It seems impossible to put that fire out whenever we are even remotely close to one another. I open the door for him and he looks around. There’s a strange exhilaration having him in my childhood room. The ultimate rebellion.

“I trust that the crack in the window was your doing?”

“I was expecting a long night so…best to cover our tracks.” He clears the space between us and I feel his hand slide up the back of my neck pulling my face closer to his so he can catch my lips. His other hand pulls my shirt up and touches the soft part of my torso. My breath hitches and I pull away.

“My father has barely left. He would probably be able to hear us from street.”

“Alright.” He says a bit disappointed.

“Do you want something to eat?”

“Do you have anything to drink?”

“I do.” I pull a bottle of gin from a drawer in my wardrobe.

“Look at you, stealing liquor from your father’s cabinet.” He gives me a devious grin and _god_ , _those dimples_.

“Actually, a friend made it.”

“Is it strong?” I nod and he reaches for it but I pull it back. “Not too much. We have a long night remember?” He smiles and we go back to kissing.

*****

We are bit tipsy through dinner and we can’t stop laughing even though we have no reason to be. The sun is still out, although low, when we make our way back to my room.

“I like having you here.”

“Do you?”

“It’s like a childhood wish I didn’t know I was holding onto - having a _boy_ in my room.” I kiss him. “A boy I can kiss.” I take him by the waist and pull him to me.

“A boy you can do far more with than kiss.” He pulls me down onto the bed with him. I lie over him with my leg between his. _God, I can do this forever._ I start unbuttoning his shirt, my hands anxious to touch his skin. I hear him let out a soft moan as I grind my hips against his. Then, the door opens and I hear, “Sinjon, I’m ba- _Oh god_.” My brother is standing in the doorway with his hand covering his eyes and Monty and I are frozen in place. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…I’ll just be downstairs.” He rushes out and closes the door.

“Shit.” I whisper as I get off the bed.

“Who was that?” Monty is still frozen and looking petrified.

“My brother.”

“Oh.”

“I should, um, go deal with that.” I can feel myself crinkle my nose on reflex because if I could, I would crinkle up my whole body as tiny as I could and hide in a ditch. I look back at the door knowing that what’s behind it is not something I want to deal with.

“Do you need backup? I’m not much of a fighter, which I think you know by now, but maybe if I had a weapon of some kind?” Monty looks around the room for possible weaponry. I’m so impossibly fond of him. _This ridiculous boy._

“No, no. My brother is not much of a fighter either.” I look back at the door and then to him.“Stay here. Keep the bed warm.” I wink and give him a smile we both know is a weak one.

Augie has his back leaning against the kitchen table as if he was waiting for me. We stare at each other. I’m sure as hell not starting this conversation. If he wants to yell at me he can go first. Finally he says, “Who’s that?”

“A friend from school.”

“A _friend_?” He laughs. I shrug because I know that was a terrible lie. “How long has this been going on?” I can’t read him. He’s holding back. In conflict, he is just like our father. His voice goes steady but sharp, inching around the subject. I’d rather just rip off the rug and address what’s under it.

“That depends. How disgusted in me are you?” I say it pointedly but still can’t bring myself to look at him.

“ _Disgusted?_ No. Don’t look so shocked. I’ve been around.”

“You…?”

“No, no, not me, but I know people.”

“Right…” Now I’m wondering who of his friends is a sodamite.

“So, how long?”

“2 months.”

“Oh, a long time.” He nods to himself like he’s trying to put the pieces of my love life together. “What’s his name?”

“Henry Montague.”

“Can I meet him?” This is not at all how I thought this interaction would go.

“Um, sure. I can…I’ll just go get him.” I go to leave, then pause and turn back around. “What are you going to do?”

“Talk to him.” He looks at me confused as if I’m the one being confusing here.

“You’re not going to scold him are you?”

“No.”

“Alright.” My legs still feel shaky as they lift me up the stairs. Monty is still on the bed, but has buttoned his shirt back up.

“How’d it go?” He leans forward scanning my body for marks I assume.

“Surprisingly well.” I look around the room for any kind of comfort because I can’t for the life of me understand what just happened. My room is the same, but it feels like the world has been turned upside down.

“Really?”

“He wants to meet you.” I direct my attention to him.

“ _Really?”_ Monty, like me, has no idea what to do with this information. “Alright…” He pulls himself off of the bed and we walk back out of the room neither of us knowing what to expect. Is he going to scold us _together_? Tell us we were being careless. That we are breaking the law. Monty stops at the top of the steps. “He’s not going to hit me is he?”

“No.”

“Alright.” He grabs my hand and gives it a tight squeeze. Something about this feels like we are going into battle. At least we are together in this.

Augie is right where I left him but standing straighter than before. He looks between the two of us and puts his hand out towards Monty.

“Augustus Westfall. You can call me Augie.”

“Henry Montague.” They shake hands and I’ve never felt so thoroughly lost in my life.

“Nice to meet you.” Now that the pleasantries are over, I feel my body go tense as if it is getting ready for a punch even if it is likely to be a verbal one. “I trust your intentions with my brother are pure and that you care for him?”

“Yes I do.” Henry stutters and looks at me. I shrug because I have as much of clue as he does.

“And if you hurt him-“

“I wouldn’t dare.” Henry interrupts likely not wanting to hear the punishment, his hands raised in the air in surrender.

“Good, good. Well then,” he says as though he’s taken care of everything that he needs to, “I’m going to go stay at the lake home. I’ll be back at 3. Father will be back a 5. Please look decent before then.” We both blush furiously. He turns to Monty with a polite smile and says, “Henry, I am sure I will be seeing more of you.” Then makes his way to the door.

“I’ll walk you out.” I let out. When we get to the door, I say “What was that?”

“What?”

“That little interrogation.”

“I would have said the same thing if you brought a girl home, more or less.”

“Really?”

“You haven’t so I’ve never had to.” He grabs his bag and acts as though that whole interaction was completely normal.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” He musses up my hair, something he’s been doing to me since we were kids. What once was terribly annoying now seems endearing. “Be careful alright?”

“I will.” The door closes and I’m still standing there long after I hear the hooves of his cart fade.

“What just happened?” I hear Monty timidly enter the room.

“I haven’t a clue.” I turn to him. We start laughing.

“That was mad. Your brother is _absolutely_ _mad_!”

“He would say everyone else is mad.”

“I sort of love him.”

“Hey!” I smack his arm. “If you are planning on leaving me for my brother, I should inform you he’s well married.”

“He’s not my type. Too old.” I laugh. “We’re alone again.”

“That we are.” I step closer to him.

“Shall we pick up where we left off?” 


	4. Chapter 4

Monty left a few hours ago. We spent the morning sleeping having spent almost all night awake causing each other to fall apart. Tiny earthquakes rattling our entire being until we were just a pair of wrecked bodies. We spent the afternoon in bed, neither of us wanting to part from the other’s touch. It felt like we were in our own little bubble. A gift that I never thought would come out of my brother walking in on us. We weren’t strange. We were just a couple that needed privacy. It felt like maybe one day we could have this without consequence. There was always gray clouds in the back of my mind that I choose to ignore. What won my attention instead was a self-entitlement that I deserve this. I’ve had my struggles. I’ve spent my life crushed under my father’s thumb. I deserve to have something for myself. Just one thing that’s good and just for me.

His departure has turned my home back into a shell. It’s quiet and empty. I don’t know how I managed to live my life before him. Now I look at spots in our home and think of his laugh taking up space there. Our father went to bed long ago. I couldn’t bear to be in my room without Monty there, so I sit with Augie in the library, him on a chair, me laid out on the sofa both reading our books. The only sounds in the room are the crackling of the fire and the occasional page turning. Part of me feels awkward that my brother knows. I wonder if he sees me differently now. I wonder if he sees me as some broken thing, someone to pity and that’s why he gave us the house. I can see in my periphery Augie looking at me over his book. He clears his throat and says, “So. Henry.”

“What about Henry?” I say still looking at my book.

“You like him?” I feel like this is bait to see if this whole thing is some sort of a phase, but when I look up at him, I see him smile knowingly. It’s an invitation to gush and of course I take it because he’s all I want to talk about.

“Yes. _God, yes_. He’s incredibly handsome and charming and he’s all I think about. I feel as though I’m going mad.”

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that’s what falling in love feels like.”

“Is that what it felt like with Alice?”

“Oh, yes. I’d be in class and look at the pencil I was using and think, I wonder if Alice would like this pencil? How does she even hold a pencil? I assume it would be lovely because she has such nice petite fingers.” We both laugh.

“Why are you so alright with this?”

“With what?”

“Me liking Henry. Me liking lads.”

“Well, you aren’t hurting anyone. Unless one of you is taking advantage.” He looks at me pointedly.

“No, no.”

“If you aren’t hurting anyone, then it is morally sound as far as I’m concerned. The whole _fornication only for procreation_ business I think is nonsense. There are far too many people in this world. A whole population of whom we cannot feed. There are a lot of stupid people in this world making more stupid people.”

“Are you saying you won’t have children with Alice?”

“Are you calling me stupid?” He throws a pillow at me. “You do have to be careful though. We live in a crumby world that hasn’t caught up yet. But you don’t have to hide your affection towards him around me. We could use more love in this world and if yours is towards a lad, then I see no difference.”

“I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“Oh please, of course you did. You _were_ at the wedding.”

“I’m grateful to have you as a brother.”

“And I you.”

*****

Another night at John’s dormitory. This time the lads have stolen a significant amount liquor from their parents since we were all home not long before. We play one game of whist, but end up getting too tipsy to play another. We continue drinking and telling stories. Monty seems to be in his element. He likes having attention on him. Being center stage suits him. His hand lingers under mine as he passes the bottle to me. His lips slightly wet from the liquid as he shares his salacious stories. Part of me feels jealous, but part of me feels like I’ve joined a club. Those Who Have Seen Henry Montague Fall Apart Under Their Fingertips. As far as I know, he’s only been with one other lad who he despises. Part of me feels like I’ve won him. 

The conversation drifts off to John talking about a hunting trip. I am very aware of my eyes on Monty, trying to not stare too long and give us away. I keep my hands in my lap as to not let my fingers betray me. He is leaning on his hand and it is dangerously close to touching my thigh. I see in my periphery his eyes drag across my body, before he slurs, “I’m…I should go.” He turns to me and gives me a look I am struggling to decipher. He trips over himself trying to stand up and I catch him.

“I’ll walk you to your room.” I say.

“Classic Monty.” One of the boys laughs.

When we get out to the hall, Monty straightens up and walks effortlessly down the corridor.

“You aren’t drunk?”

“Oh, I’m tipsy certainly, but I couldn’t stay in that room any longer without touching you.” He gives me a cheeky grin.

“Shall we go to our spot?” He doesn’t answer, just walks towards the doors.

My back is to the wall and his lips are moving across mine. I laugh to myself because _this wall_ , it’s like our home. It’s where we come to hide our affection. It’s what we lean on when the world is telling us we can’t care for each other. These bricks that no one would regard otherwise, are our foundation. I feel Monty’s hands on my skin and my breath hitches. My fingers make the familiar journey to his waistband. He grins, and I turn around.

*****

I’m walking back to my room after cricket practice and I hear boys whispering to each other. I ignore it. Then I see what’s happening.

“What’s going on? Where are they taking him?” Monty is being very forcefully lead down the hall by our headmaster who’s grip is like a vice around his arm.

“John got too drunk to hide everything, so they started searching everyone’s rooms. They found some letters apparently? Not sure why they are so bad. He’s going to be expelled.” Monty’s roommate says.

“Oh god.” All of sudden everything goes black. I never knew my heart could beat this fast. I can’t breathe. I realize I’m on the floor sobbing and Monty’s roommate hasn’t a clue what to do or what’s happening or what all of this means. What he means to me. What’s going to happen to him. _The bloody letters_. They seemed innocent but they were incriminating. I thought we were being careful. Our bubble has popped and the pin prick feels as though it’s dug deep into my chest. I rub my eyes and use the wall to stand up. “I need you to tell him something, if you see him.”

“Okay.”

“Tell him, I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.” I hear Jacob say something but I can’t make out what it is because there’s a ringing in my ears and I’ve already willed my feet to move back to my room. I start throwing my things in my bag.

“Where are you going? What’s wrong?” I didn’t notice Nicholas on his bed.

“I have to go. You didn’t see me, alright?”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m in trouble. I just- I need to go.” I wish I could stop crying but I can’t. I open my desk drawer and find my envelope of bank notes from birthdays, holidays, the card games. I’m not sure it will be enough to travel, but it will have to do.

“Here.” He gets up from his bed and shuffles through some of his things and hands me some money.

“I can’t.”

“You obviously need it more than me. Most of it is yours anyway from the card games.”

“Thank you.”

I leave through the door Monty and I had exited some hours before. I see our spot behind the dormitory through wet eyes, take a deep breath and head towards to woods.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt our scheduled broadcast with a chapter from our good friend Augustus.

AUGUSTUS POV:

I hear a loud bang from my father’s office and my first instinct is that he has fainted. When I open the door I see he has just smashed a decorative plate and what was on his desk is now on the floor.  
“What happened?”  
“I knew your brother would disgrace this family.” He slams his fist against his desk.  
“What did he do?” A fear runs through me as I have an inkling what this might be about.  
“He’s a goddam bugger!” He yells. My entire body feels hollow and a thousands questions run through my mind mostly surrounding whether he is alright.  
“What happened?” I ask again. He doesn’t answer, just throws the letter to me. I see the Eton letterhead, then scan the page. I’m only able to focus on a few bits: “shocking discovery” “letters of indecency towards a fellow student” “illegal” and “expelled”. Then I read the last two sentences:

We would ask you to come and retrieve your son, but it seems as though he has run away. If we hear anything about his whereabouts, we shall contact you.

“He’s missing?”  
“ _That’s_ what you took from that _horrid_ letter?” My father looks at me disbelievingly.  
“Yes father. My little brother is out there in the world alone with likely no money and left to fend for himself.”  
“As far as I’m concerned that’s the smartest thing he could have done. He knows he’s no longer welcome here.”  
“You’d think a Christian would at the very least be decent. He’s still your son.”  
“It’s illegal and an abomination!”  
“Fuck legality! He hasn’t hurt anyone!” I pace for a moment because my entire body is shaking with rage. I’m done. No more waiting. Time to set fire to this bridge. “Well, looks like you’ve lost two sons. I have no interest in running your business. Upon your death, it shall perish with you.”  
“You won’t last out there with no income.” He laughs.  
“I have income. I have a job. That’s where I went during the holiday.” I walk to the door but before I leave, I say, “Oh, and I don’t believe in the church.” I slam the door on the way out.

As soon as I get home, I slam the door, drop my coat and bag on the floor and race to my desk with the intention of writing a strongly worded letter to Eton about losing my brother.  
“What’s going on?” My beautiful wife is standing in the doorway of my office holding my coat. She didn’t have to- I would have picked it up. I take one look at her soft, worried face and break. I fall into my chair placing the heels of my hands to my eyes to try to hold back the tears I know are inevitable. “Oh god, what is it?” She throws my coat on a chair, rushes over and starts rubbing my back.  
“Sinjon.” I take a few breaths to calm myself. “He got caught.”  
“Caught doing what?”  
“Eton found letters between him and a lad.”  
“What kind of letters?”  
“Love letters.”  
“Oh. He’s-“ I nod. “You knew?”  
“I caught them together that weekend I went to visit while my father was away.”  
“You caught them? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“It didn’t seem like a big a deal at the time. You know, young love. I thought he was just getting it out of his system.”  
“That doesn’t seem to be a thing you just get out of your system, Augie. So what happened to him?”  
“They expelled him, but he ran away. No one knows where he is and they could all care less.” I say the last part through gritted teeth.  
“Who’s the lad?” I look at her questioningly. “The one he was writing letters with.”  
“Oh, I met him. Henry Montague was his name.”  
“He must be having a hard time too.” In this moment I am reminded why I am undoubtedly in love with my wife. “You should check on him, see if he is alright. He might know something about Sinjon’s whereabouts.”  
“Out of the two of us, you will always be the smartest and most caring.”  
“Well, you give me a run for my money.” She gives me a weak smile. “He’ll be alright you know. You’ve taught him well.”

*****

I knock on the door and who I assume to be Henry’s mother answers.  
“Hallo, I’m Gregory Cunningham. I used to teach at Eton and wondered if I could have a word with Henry Montague.”  
“Is this about his expulsion?”  
“No, although I am sorry to hear that. I’m inquiring about whether the level of education he received was satisfactory. We are screening our teachers for the next year.”  
“He isn’t…well. Would you be able to come back?” She’s hiding him. They must have done a number on the poor boy.  
“I really can’t. I’m afraid he is last on my list.” She seems hesitant, but ends up opening the door and letting me in. I watch her climb the stairs and hear her tell Henry he has a visitor. I hope he gets the ruse and doesn’t out the name as one he doesn’t recognize. I see his hopeful face fall when he sees me. He was expecting Sinjon.  
“Henry.” I nod to him when he reaches me.  
“Mr. Cunningham.” He says back the name a bit chunky in his mouth.  
“Is there anywhere we might talk privately?” I address his mother.  
“You can take the office. My husband is away in London.”

In the office I get a better look at his face. His eye is almost completely swollen shut. There is a nasty bruise next to his other eye and a cut on his lip. I watch him wince as he tries to sit down in one of the chairs.  
“God Henry, who did this?” He doesn’t respond. I see shame cover his face and it makes me want to hug him. “Was it the headmaster?” He shakes his head. “Your father then.” I say definitively because there aren’t any other options less he has a brother. “The bastard.” I clench my fist. Monty looks up at me shocked that I’ve used such language. “You must agree.” He gives a weak smile.  
“Did Sinjon send you? Is he alright?”  
“I don’t know. He ran away. Besides making sure you were alright, that’s why I came. Did he tell you anything about where he might go?”  
“No.” He shakes his head and looks down at his hands. Then he says, “Maybe your aunt’s? He was very fond of her. Scotland is a good distance away from this mess.”  
“I’ll check in with her. Thank you.”  
“Could you tell him something for me when you find him?”  
“Of course.”  
“Tell him I’m so, so sorry.”  
“Oh Henry, it isn’t you who must be sorry. It’s them.”  
“I’m not sure I believe that.”  
“You must. It’s the only way out.” I muss up his hair like I do with Sinjon for I think of him as a brother now too. “No more letters alright?” Then I clarify, “To any lad.” He nods but continues to stare at his lap. I pick up his chin. “Take care of yourself.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Of course.”  
His mother is standing in the entryway rearranging some flowers. Before I leave, I say, “You have an excellent son with the _biggest_ heart. I hope you know that. Good day.” She doesn’t respond.

*****

I show up at my aunt’s door with no notice that I would be arriving. I couldn’t wait for correspondence, I needed to see Sinjon. She answers the door with a smile that quickly falls to distrust. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this impromptu visit?”  
“Is Sinjon here?”  
“No.”  
“I’m not here for my father. He can rot as far as I’m concerned.”  
“Well, that was the secret password. Come in.” In a matter of seconds Sinjon is in my arms.  
“God, I was worried sick about you.”  
“I assume father got word?”  
“Eton sent him a letter. He doesn’t know you are here, and to be honest, he has no interest in finding you.”  
“I figured.” He looks to the floor.  
“I saw Henry.” I say and his head shoots up.  
“You did? Is he alright?” I didn’t have the heart to tell him how bad of a beating he took.  
“He’ll be alright. He’s strong. Like you.” I take a step back and look at him. “How did you even get here?”  
“They searched our rooms because they found out we were gambling. Turns out I’m pretty good at whist.” He gives a weak laugh. “I had just enough to travel here.”  
“Just enough.” Our aunt laughs. “He didn’t eat for days. Showed up a skinny little thing.” I look at him worried.  
“I’m alright now.” He says to try to ease our worried eyes. “Did Monty say anything? When you saw him?”  
“He said he was sorry. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for.” I watch as tears start to brim on the corners of my brother’s eyes. I pull him into me and he breaks.  
“I love him. I didn’t even get to tell him.”  
“I know, I know.” I rub his back. “He loves you too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted a happy ending for our boys! We all know Monty's happy ending, so here is Sinjon's 5 years later...

MONTY’S POV

“Monty?” I hear my name and it sounds like I’ve missed the last few times it was called. I’m used to this by now. In my periphery I see a man walking up to my left.

“Sinjon? Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” I’m not sure whether to pull him into my arms or not. What is the protocol for long-lost romps with tragic endings? “What are you doing in London? Do you live here?”

“No, I’m here for a meeting. Can we grab a drink sometime? We have about 5 years to catch up on.”

“Yes, of course. Tomorrow night?”

“I will see you then.”

*****

“Sinjon.” Percy says flatly from the end of the bed as he laces his shoes. “As in blue-eyed Sinjon from your Eton days.”

“Yes.” I call back from my make-shift wardrobe.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t trust me?”

“I don’t trust _him_.”

“I remember what you told me on the island. If I ever go behind your back you’ll murder me, alchemically raise me from the dead and murder me again.” I turn to face him. “I said I wouldn’t and I won’t.” His face still looks distressed, so I walk over to him, sit on his lap and hold his frowny face in my hands. “I only want you.” I press his lips to mine. “Besides, I’ll let him down easy. It’s been 5 years, I hardly think he remembers our little fling.”

Percy rolls his eyes. “Fine, but if you come home with even a mark on you…”

“I know, dead in a ditch with me!”

*****

The bar is one Percy and I frequent. It’s a good spot for people like us. I grab a couple of pints from the bar and bring them to the booth Sinjon is occupying. We take a sip as we take each other in. He looks the same. His skin a bit rougher with sunlight and travel I assume, but still the same. A sudden nostalgia waves over me, but then it settles into the feeling of my father’s fists. I take swig of my drink. 

“The last time I saw you, you were being dragged down an Eton hallway.”

“Not my finest hour.” I didn’t think we’d go _straight_ into it. I keep drinking.

“What’s your side of the story?”

“They found our letters and gave them to my father.”

“Oh god. I remember our pens being a bit filthy back then.” He’s trying to keep our tragedy light. I love him for that. We _did_ both survive.

“He was not thrilled to say the least. I had a bloody black eye for a month after that.” I cringe to think of it. “What about you?”

“When I heard they found out, I ran.” He laughs lightly. “I felt like such coward. You faced it, and I ran. Packed a bag and headed for Scotland to stay with my aunt. With her hatred for my father, she took me in as a sort of revenge against him, I suppose.”

“You’re lucky.” I say before I mean to. He puts a hand over mine on the table.

“I am so, so sorry.” He looks sincere.

“It wasn’t your fault.” I pull my hand from beneath his because it isn’t Percy’s. “Do you still…with lads?”

“On occasion.” He sips his drink, leans back and looks around the bar as if he’s trying to spot someone. “Turns out there’s more of us out there than I ever knew back then.” I laugh because it’s true. In this bar alone I can spot at least 5 lads either of us could easily bed. “Do you?”

“Do you want to know a secret?”

“Tell me.” He leans in.

“I’m actually living with someone. It’s all hush of course, but we are absolutely disgusting with affection.” I get giddy just thinking of Percy. I see something flash in his eyes. Maybe jealousy? Hurt? I can’t tell, because a second later it’s gone.

“What’s his name?” He smiles.

“Percy.”

“Percy? As in childhood-best-mate Percy?”

“The very one.”

“You should have brought him. I would love to meet him.”

“He is working tonight. Maybe some other time.” He hums in agreement. His face gets nervous for a moment and I’m suddenly scared of what he is trying to conjure up the guts to ask me.

“I don’t mean to be rude or insensitive, but what happened?” He is gesturing to my face. “Was that your father, after…”

“No, god no. It’s rather a long, queer story though.”

“I’ve got time if you’d like to tell it.”

So I tell him about the tour and the alchemical heart and the duke and the pirates and the sinking island and he responds with:

You can’t be serious?!

Leave it to you to befriend pirates.

The heart was still _beating_?

You got shot that close to your head and you only lost an ear?

Then I told him about how Felicity is a medical wizard and stitched me up.

“Someone had to get the brains.” He jokes.

“At least I got all the looks and charm.”

“That you did. I’m surprised you’ve settled down. Seems out of character for you.” There’s the jealousy I was looking for.

“I’m pretty single-minded when I truly like someone.” I take a sip and add to at least soften the blow, “When we…I never…with anyone else.”

“I thought that was just from lack of lads who would participate.”

“No, there was George Montgomery and Jacob Collinger and-“

“Really? How’d you know?”

“Just do.” I shrug. “They all were so easy to blush at the slightest flirtation.”

“And you chose me?” The air has changed between us and I am suddenly 16 and pining over him.

“I always thought _you_ chose me.”

“I did.” I suddenly can’t bring myself to hold his gaze out of fear of doing something stupid. “We were just boys, but I did love you. I don’t mean for it to sound like I’m trying to get between you and Percy, that’s not my intention. I just more…wanted you to know. You were my first love. I’ve had a few since, but it’s hard for it to last, what with the law and church and the fear and guilt that comes with relationships like this.”

“You’ll find someone.” I say because I can’t think of anything else.

“Maybe. Or find a lady who doesn’t expect much of me.”

*****

I stumble into the room knocking over what sounds like a plate.

“Well, you’re significantly drunk.” Percy says from the end of the bed. 

“I am!” I say pleased with myself, because it’s been awhile since I’ve gotten drunk. I make my way over to the bed, sit on his lap and kiss him. “I missed you.”

“You were only gone a few hours.”

“I missed you just the same.”

“How was it? Let me have a look at you.” Percy holds me at arms length and is now checking my neck. I extend it for easy access. I’ve got nothing to hide.

“We did nothing of the sort. I’m afraid he seems completely over me, which was actually rather disappointing. I had a whole speech planned.”

“You poor thing.” Percy rolls his eyes.

“I’m very grateful for you.”

“The gin has made you sentimental tonight.”

“Not many people have the loves of their life. I’m glad we are doing this.”

“Me too.” We kiss gently like we’ve been doing it forever. It feels like home. An idea occurs to me and I suddenly stand up, gathering my uneasy footing.

“We should set Sinjon up. Find him a lad.”

“What?”

“He’s lonely. Also, he wants to meet you.”

“Me?”

“For as many letters I wrote to you about him, I talk to him about you.”

“You did?”

“Of course! You were my best mate. All my best stories include you.”

“Alright, we can talk about this in the morning. Come to bed.”

“Are you being cheeky?” I flash him my dimples.

“We both know as soon as you hit the pillow you’ll pass out.”

“That’s not true.” But I do.

*****

SINJON’S POV:

“Did your drink tell you a sad story?” I realized a man has sat across from me in my booth. He’s very handsome, my age, with auburn hair that curls in his queue against his shoulder.

“What?”

“Sorry, I’m being reintroduced into social settings. I’ve been weeks deep in work. What I meant to say, is that you look upset and I wondered if you needed a pair of ears.”

“Shouldn’t you be lending those ears to the women out tonight?” What I am really asking is if he is just being kind or if we play on the same side.

“I’m afraid they are all happy and joyous.” He smiles. I’m still unsure.

“I’ve got a bit of a broken heart it seems.”

“I’m sure,” a pause, “ _she_ didn’t deserve you.” I hear his question and smile knowingly.

“I’m not sure if it was _he_ or I that didn’t deserve the other.” He smiles back.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I would rather talk about you.” Even as I say it, I think, this is a Monty line if I ever heard one. God, he’s taught me everything I know about love. “Are you from London?”

“No, north. Since I know just about every rat in that town, I escaped with the guise of studying law. What about you?”

“No, west. Although, after I got kicked out of school, I went to live with my aunt in Scotland. I actually came here in search of a lad I knew then.”

“Did you find him?”

“I did. Seems to be a bit unrequited.”

“Maybe it’s time to move on then.” He sips his drink. “Set sail to other seas.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Something you don’t know about me, but will soon find out - I’m always right.”

“Are you?”

“You’ll see.” We smile at each other and sip our drinks.

*****

His name is Alexander, and he is now walking me home through the wet streets of London. I’m not sure how late it is, but it feels as though the sun may come up at any second.

“You’re very drunk.” He laughs.

“Me? You can hardly step straight.”

“I don’t know how this happened.” He laughs again. “I lost count of my glasses talking to you.” I can feel his eyes on me, so I meet his gaze. It’s soft. I’m not sure how to take it.

“What?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Here?” I say because although the streets are quiet, it is a main road. He pulls me into an alleyway and catches my lips before I can protest. I fall into it. It’s a warmth I have not felt in a while. After a moment, we part and he’s smiling at me.

“I suppose we should get you home.”

“Wouldn’t want you to become acquainted with these rats too.” He laughs. We are silent, but smiling the next few blocks to my place.

“This is mine.” I stop.

“Can I see you again?”

“I would like that.” He nods trying to hide a wider smile.

“Goodnight, Sinjon.”

“Goodnight, Alexander.”

*****

We’ve been together for a few months. We meet once the sun sets at bars that allow us to hold hands. I find my cheeks hurting more and more as I cannot seem to wipe the smile from my lips. I learn his skin, his freckles, everything that makes him tick. I spend most nights in his rooms since they are nicer. I like being surrounded by his things. I lie next to him in bed catching my breath from our previous exertion. A curiosity comes over me. “How do you do this and be a lawyer?”

“What do you mean?”

“You uphold the law and then disobey one.”

“Ah, that.” He turns his head from me to the ceiling. “I don’t think it will be a law forever.”

“You don’t? It’s hard to imagine it ever changing.” I try to imagine this world. I think back to my brother and his way of thinking. Him giving Monty and I the house for the night. _We aren’t hurting anyone._ “Is that why you got into law? So you can change it?”

“No, at least not yet. It’s a bit too close to home. They’ll suspect. I probably won’t until I am married.”

“Married?”

“You seem shocked.”

“To a woman?”

“Well, yes, of course.” He laughs. I hop off the bed in search of my clothes. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t want to waste my time with something that is going nowhere.”

“What did you think was going to happen? We hardly have choices.”

“We have choices.”

“Like what?”

“I have friends who live together and they-“

“Ha! That can hardly last.”

“Why not?” I can’t look at him. Rage fills me and I don’t even know if it’s him I’m mad at or the world that keeps attacking us.

“All day I hear of people being jailed and starved and abused and ridiculed and put to death for this. I may have chosen this life, or it me, but I won’t let it kill me. You really want to live this life forever?”

“I don’t see another I could live. I want to feel something, with my _whole heart_ , even if it’s in the shadows or behind doors. I know that will only be with a man and I don’t care if it will kill me because it will have been worth it. I’d rather live a short life with the most happiness than a long life in misery.” If Monty can do it, so can I. Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m just a silly romantic. I don’t care. I’m willing to fight for this. He doesn’t respond, so I slip my coat on and enter into the dark London streets. The fog wets my face disguising my tears.

*****

I went to Monty and Percy’s after my fight with Alexander. I needed to talk to people who get what I am going through. Percy and I are friends now too, or at least he trusts me enough to be alone with Monty. We make jokes at Monty’s expense, which he of course whines about. It feels like we are the only two people in the world who know him so intimately that we joke about him like we do. Monty and I spent the night walking and talking as to not keep Percy up. He stayed over to make sure I was alright. He’s become rather protective over me in these past few months. I file it under a box labelled “just friends” in my head. We wake up to a knock at my door. Monty get’s up to answer it, both of us knowing who it might be.

“Who are you?” I can hear Alexander’s voice.

“Henry Montague. Who are you?” Monty says back defensively.

“Is Sinjon here?”

“He doesn’t want to speak to you.”

“Please just let me talk to him.”

“You broke his heart.”

“His heart was broken long before I got to it.”

“What?”

“You didn’t know.”

“What is your message?”

“Tell him I’m sorry. Tell him I have a plan. I’ll do whatever he wants.”

I watch Monty close the door and turn to me.

“Was it Alexander?”

“I broke your heart?” He asks ignoring my question.

“What?” I laugh nervously.

“Tell me.” His face is serious. I take a deep breath.

“After we got caught, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. God, I’m so pathetic.” I laugh to the ceiling, cringing at myself. “I came to London because I heard you were here. I came to find you. I lied about the meeting.”

“Oh.”

“I know you’re with Percy. I like Percy. He’s a good match for you. Which kind of makes this whole thing harder. I’ll get over it. I’m _getting_ over it.” A silence falls over us and there is a good part of me that wishes to jump off of my balcony.

“I thought about you too.” I look up and see his soft smile. “Alexander came to apologize. He said he had plan.”

“A plan?” Monty nods.

“Go get your lad.” He nods to the door with one of his cheeky smiles.

*****

After a few hours of getting ready, walking around, having a pint, and convincing myself to give Alexander another chance, I arrive at his door.

“Sinjon.” He sounds hopeful and relieved. He opens the door further to let me in.

“I’m here. What did you want to tell me?” I say harshly still trying to protect myself. Not give him too much of me even though I am hopeful and relieved too.

“Yes, alright.” He seems almost giddy. “So, I found someone. Well, I’ve known her for years, but some things have come to light I didn’t know before and we can get married and-“

“You are absolutely cruel.”

“What?” He really is thick if he is this confused.

“You already broke my heart and now you’ve called me down here to once again tell me you plan on marrying a woman.”

“No! That’s not- god, I’m really messing this up. Let me finish. My friend, Samantha, she’s like us.”

“Into lads? That’s hardly unique.”

“No, into _ladies_.”

“ _Oh_.”

“She’s found someone, Elizabeth I think her name is. Since we are in the same predicament, I came up with the plan to marry her. That way we can all live together.”

“That won’t be suspicious?”

“No, because Elizabeth will be our maid and you our butler.”

“You expect me to be a butler?”

“Only when we have unwanted guests, which we won’t because we’ll be recluses.” He grins.

“You really think this will work?”

“I do.”

“Alright. I’m in.” He kisses me and we don’t stop.


End file.
